So I wanted to take the kids swimming today and was looking for shorts and a tank top. I decided maybe I’d try again on the swim suit I had disappointedly put back in the shipping bag and stuffed into the back of my dresser to never wear. I wasn’t comfortable and felt like I looked awful. Well not only have I slimmed down a bit, but recently read a great article about loving yourself and feeling confident in your skin. So I put it on and this time it actually fit!! I took a picture to send to my mom. When I saw my self in the picture, I froze up, I shudders and thought oh no oh no that looks bad. (Despite my husband and mom telling me how nice I looked). I started to go in my room to change and my husband and our kids let out a heavy sigh and flopped back down on the couch prepared to wait. I felt bad so thought, screw it, I’ll wear a sarong like a dress over it and we will just go.
I felt so uncomfortable when we got to the creek. I stayed covered, got my feet in and eventually sat with just my butt in the water so I could lift the sarong but still stay covered. I stayed like this watching everyone in the water having a blast for awhile until I just couldn’t take the heat anymore. I tied the sarong like a shirt over my chest and stomach and got in to my belly button. My husband laughed at me that I looked like a person way to worried about their looks. He was right. Everyone else was enjoying and doing their thing while I sat on the side and watched because I was too anxious about what other people would silently think of my suit.
Until it hit, why does it even matter? Is their silent judgement going to affect my life or even this event? So I took my purple sarong of safety off. I’m not sure what I expected after thst. People to turn in disgust, gawk at me, tell me I look awful… You know what happened, nothing! I wore my revealing suit, had a blast with my family and cooled off in the creek.
Show a few rolls, ya. Show some skin? Ya. Did anyone call me out, no. Matter of fact I think I was the only one who even noticed me and my tiny suit. I felt good being me and once I quit thinking about what others thought of me I was able to just be me.