“Just a tip, stay away from Kathy. She’s a total bitch.” At one point or another we have all heard this, or said this to another woman. Ya know, that woman two desks over that you avoid like the plague. (You know you have at least one in your life-don’t lie). What is it about this person that makes your skin crawl? (Aside from the curly nose or ear hair, grotesque breath, or open mouth eating-you can’t fix that). I’d be willing to wager it is a combination of some of these dreadful behaviors. You might even be “the bitch”. If you identify with 3 or more of these habits and characteristics, you’re probably a bitch. Let’s find out.
1.Most of your daily banter sounds like a rotten tomatoes or yelp review.
Negative people are the fastest mood killer available. It’s said that what you think about, what you focus on, is what you bring into your life. Constantly complaining about this and that, the copier being stupid, boss is being strict, can’t lose weight (insert list of gripes), that’s what you will keep bringing to yourself. Nobody likes that shit. It’s really hard to be happy and positive when you’re around those negative nancies that just wants to complain about everything and have something negative to say about everything around them. If this is you, start your day writing down 5 things you are grateful for every morning to start changing your attitude.
2. You are Debbie Downer.
Negative Nancy’s bestie Debbie is even more insufferable to be around. Her constantly depressed, “whoa is me”attitude not only makes her seem incompetent, but leads others towards self depriciating behaviors. We are pack animals. If one person is sitting and talking about how fat they are, and how they wish their hair would be longer, or they wish that they could have long fingernails like Tiffany- rather than sit there and talk about things they like about themselves- other people around them will follow suit. They say things like, “yeah I know, I wish my thighs didn’t rub together, I wish that I had a rounder booty, I wish this and I wish that. No one is ever going to believe in you unless you believe in yourself. It is up to you to talk yourself up and sing your praises. Regularly give yourself positive affirmations positive self-talk.
3. People are often nervous about how xyou’re going to react to something.
Each and every one of us is hardwired to want to be loved and accepted. To seek validation from our peers, and from those around us. Have you ever had a spouse a partner, or a very close friend, say that they were afraid to tell you something because they didn’t know how you were going to react? This is a red flag that you may not be sending a welcoming, or fully accepting vibe of those around you. What’s most likely happened is they have told you something, or watch you react to something, in such a big dramatic way that they are now afraid to come to you with new things or adverse situations. That’s a sad place to be. Those people love respect and care about you so much that how they proceed with their life depends on how you will feel about something. That’s a lot of power!
Now, I’m not suggesting that if your best friend is going to marry some dude that she’s met after 2 days you should offer up to be your maid of honor, and be all on board. What I’m saying is that you can’t constantly shut people down, or blow up on people, and expect them to still come to you freely. If people are so afraid that you’re going to freak out on them they don’t even want to mention things to you, then you’re limiting your entire environment. Don’t be a psycho- nobody likes that. If you’re the one that controls the environment of your home,or your work, use your power wisely. Make it uplifting, make people feel comfortable, and valued. You have that power.
Oh goodness okay so this list got heavy. Not trying to put you down, or make you feel bad. These are all things that we struggle with, especially as ladies. We constantly judge each other, and judge ourselves against each other. We look for limitations and weaknesses in other women in order to feel better about ourselves. Or maybe to see how we stack up against other women. That’s a completely backwards way to think about it. The natural response to getting a compliment is to give someone a compliment. Think about how many times someone has complimented you on how pretty you, are how what a great job, or that sexy new dress. It makes you feel really, really good doesn’t it? Your immediate response is to look for something to compliment that person about. Their dress, their hair, their makeup, their laughter, their shoes- pick something. If you were to constantly going go out looking to praise others, just think about how much positivity you’d receive throughout the day by giving. Think about how many times one of those bitches in the office, or in the bar, looking at you sideways has hurt your feelings. Or make you question yourself. Made you doubt yourself when you are feeling pretty fucking on top of shit- it feels awful doesn’t it?
Now, actively make it a point not to be that person. Spend an entire day, 24 hours, not saying anything negative. Rewrite your scripts to yourself, and to other people. Look for those optimistic things. Look for opportunities to build people up as opposed to things to criticize them about. I guarantee you’ll see a shift in your attitude, and I guarantee you’re going to feel better, and more positive. At first, the people around you are still going to be real gun shy. You’ve engrained in them the type of person that you are. Many people don’t believe change, or that change is possible. It’s going to take time for them to see the changes. It takes roughly 12 weeks for people around you to notice a change of some type, 4 weeks for you to notice in yourself!
Be patient with yourself. Your don’t have to be a bitch. I promise.